What I Do To Stay Calm

“You’re so calm.”

“You’re the most chill person I know.”

“Your vibe is so California—easy, breezy. How do you stay like that?”

I’ve been asked these questions many times over the years, but especially in the past year or so. And truth be told, I’m not always calm, cool, and collected. After all, we do live in New Jersey—and this state requires us to have an edge at times.

But notice those key words: at times.

Most of the time, in my experience, an edge isn’t needed. For me, living a lifestyle devoted to maintaining a decompressed nervous system is paramount. This commitment stems from my experience with PTSD, which I developed in 1997. If you’re interested in that journey, I wrote a book about my path out of PTSD.

What I’ve learned since then is that it’s not enough to simply come out of a dark or stressful period. The real work is about living a life that builds as much resilience to stress as possible. Stress still creeps in—it always will—but when you cultivate a calm, supportive lifestyle, it becomes easier to move out of it.

So, what do I do to stay calm?

1. Sleep is a priority. I make sure I give myself enough time to sleep, and I’ve intentionally made my bedroom as comfortable as possible. I invested in great sheets and a mattress with just the right firmness—so much so that after traveling, I genuinely crave my own bed. I sleep best when the air is cold but the bed is warm, so I’m breathing in cool air while my body stays cozy. This combination helps regulate my body temperature and supports deep rest.

2. Regular movement. Staying active can be tricky, especially since I love hiking and weather often decides what’s possible. That said, strength training twice a week is non-negotiable. I also practice yoga at least once a week, and when possible, I do a few postures daily. Stress and tension live in the body, and movement is one of the most effective ways to release them.

3. Nourishing food. I’m not perfect here, but I prioritize vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, and healthy fats. This time of year, I make a lot of soup—it’s an easy way to eat well, stay warm, and support my body through the colder months.

4. Water and tea. I mostly drink water and tea (no more than two cups of tea per day). I avoid soda, juice, and milk. I rarely drink alcohol—maybe two or three beverages a month—and interestingly, when I do, I often wake up in the middle of the night. My body gives me very clear feedback.

5. Fun—every single day. My schedule is full. I run my own practice, serve as President of the New Jersey Acupuncture Society, and I’m an officer of Boonton Elks Lodge #1405. Even with long workdays, I make sure to do something fun every day. Fun doesn’t have to be big. It might be playing games on The Atlantic (I love Bracket City), tending to my plants (I call this “plant clinic”), working on a jigsaw puzzle, or cooking. I spend time with friends at least twice a week. I also deeply value travel—it lowers my stress just knowing I have a trip coming up. While travel can be expensive, I’ve become a novice travel hacker, and using miles and points has worked tremendously in my favor.

6. Words that ground me. I keep quotes and short pieces of writing at my desk that reflect the kind of life I want to live. One favorite, by Rosita Arvigo, reads: “Give nature half a chance and she has a miracle in store for everyone.” When tasks pile up, taking a moment to read these words almost immediately brings me back to a calmer, more focused state.

7. Nature—always. Between the plants in my office and the photography on my walls, it’s clear I love nature. But it goes deeper than aesthetics. I love watching sunrises and sunsets, observing animals, and noticing how light filters through clouds or lands on a single leaf. My husband loves this too, and we often stop each other to say things like, “Do you see how that light is hitting that leaf? It’s so beautiful.” Nature is constantly offering us a breathtaking show. Taking the time to notice it is one of the simplest—and most magical—gifts we can give ourselves.

8. Regular acupuncture and bodywork. Acupuncture, Thai yoga massage, Swedish massage—you get the picture. I use these therapies not only to address something when it feels “off” (for example, chiropractic care has helped tremendously with a shoulder issue), but also as a way to prevent stress from accumulating and impacting my health. This is exactly why, once patients experience relief from their chief complaint, I often recommend a maintenance schedule. For some, that looks like once a month; for others, it may be once a week—depending entirely on what that individual needs. The goal isn’t just symptom relief, but ongoing support for the nervous system and overall well-being.